Who Are You? Part 2

Who Are You? Part 2

 

In our December newsletter (#152), we shared about the nature of our personal identity. Specifically, we discussed how powerful thought can be, and how it generates ideas that become the “reality” of how we perceive ourselves.

In this newsletter, we look a little deeper at how that power works and affects us, and how change happens.

In our executive coaching work, we often have clients who come to us because
they have habits or styles that need to change or be upgraded. To be a better leader, they need to let go of some challenging behaviors or attitudes, and/or develop more mature or effective ones.

On the surface, it is obvious what needs to change. For example, a client will tell us, “I need to get over being angry and frustrated”. Another believes that, “if people would just do what I tell them, everything would work out fine.” Why can’t these people simply change these problematic behaviors?

When looking a little closer we find some ideas or beliefs about who they are or how a leader is supposed to be that underpin those sticky habits and attitudes. The angry and frustrated executive might believe he or she is entitled to be cooperated with because of his or her position. After all, s/he is “the boss.” The other, thinking everyone should just do what they are told, might be thinking s/he is smarter than everyone else and if they just thought like s/he, all would work out.

Even in the face of much feedback and contrary data, such attitudes or “blindspots” can persist indefinitely, leading to many difficulties in performance for themselves and those they are leading as well as to the business.

So why do we get so stuck in our ways?

Simply put – we become identified with thoughts or ways of being that are not useful – or downright problematic –  and confuse these thoughts with who we really are.

How does this happen?

Our minds are powered by essential principles that govern our perceptions and behaviors. There are three (3) basic principles: Mind (the formless intelligent energy within and behind all we experience), Consciousness (the power to perceive at all), and Thought (the power to create and turn the raw energy of Mind into ideas and actions).

Essentially, we perceive and experience – in every moment – what we are thinking. Our mind and consciousness take our thoughts and create a tableau, a painting, a movie production within our mind – made up of sensory data – formulated by thought, into what seems real to us. It is an engine running all the time that never stops.

And when we think something over and over, our mind and brain get accustomed to the reality that thinking generates. We no longer see it as thinking. We assume it accurately represents reality. We have the amazing power to create and believe that what we have created in our minds is real. This is a great gift. And it can create a lot of trouble.

When we have thoughts like, “I am the smartest (or dumbest, ….) person,” or  “I am the boss who everyone should obey,” and we think it over and over, we come to believe something about who we are and live as if it is true.

Most of us intuitively know we have unhelpful thoughts that should be changed. When that intuition is active in our awareness, change is easier. Without that awareness, it can seem hard or complicated to make the change. Yes, many habits are sticky and take some gumption to overcome. Yet we have seen some miraculous changes in the blink of an eye.

One executive was referred to us by the CEO, because, even though he was intellectually brilliant and a highly experienced and accomplished consultant, very few of his peers wanted to work with him and he was often sidelined from important activities and relationships. He came to us quite upset and puzzled about how to improve. Fortunately, he had a good heart and a helpful attitude.

The executive had been told countless times that he made things too complicated for his peers, that he over-burdened his team with last minute demands. Yet, he couldn’t seem to understand why he wasn’t more accepted and used.

His epiphany came when we were talking about his family. He told us he wanted to be sure that his children experienced the best the world had to offer. He designed refined and sophisticated opportunities and experiences for them. He believed that this was the job of every parent.

The insight flashed when he realized that at work he believed it was his responsibility to make sure he brought the most sophisticated knowledge and detailed refinement to everyone in everything. This resulted in complicated power point slide decks, when one or two slides would do. It resulted in his team being asked to write dissertations and put them into complicated last minute reports that had them giving up their weekends – when some simple one or two page documents could provide the answers and directions other business leaders were asking for.

He realized his hubris and the ego that had been running his professional life. Though this trait had been welcomed in his previous consulting roles, and he had been rewarded for it, it was no longer useful as an approach with his current company. He popped out of it. The next morning when we met he felt freer and happier than he had ever been in his life. There was a considerable shift, which still holds to this day.

We didn’t go after solving his blindspot. We simply helped him see how completely our own thinking can create a reality that we get lost in. He then was able to see the identity that he had locked into his mind.

Do you have some thoughts about yourself that are not really your friends?

Just keep looking at how powerful these principles are in creating your “reality,” and you may have  a miracle or two come to a theater near you!

In the next newsletter, Who Are You? Part 3, we will look at how we can know ourselves deeply beyond our egos and find a rich world of soul and inspiration within. Stay tuned.

Ken Manning