Who Are You? Part 1

Who Are You? Part 1

Do you ever feel down about yourself or doubt your ability to do something – even something you have done well many times?

Do you sometimes feel insulted by the slightest of looks from someone, or get in a huff about someone’s tone, when later you found out that person was not even thinking about you? Do you take it personally and get upset if you don’t get the recognition you want, or get feedback about how you could do something better? And then, later, when your mind calms down and your head clears, you see the event from a distance and see that it wasn’t really personal.

There is a background, and mostly invisible, world of thought we have cultivated that all adds up to our identity – who we think we are. It causes a host of thoughts and feelings to occupy our mind that can make us very reactive and oversensitive to people and situations that challenge those deeply ingrained thoughts.

Is that world of thoughts really who you are?

One day you are energized and happy, the next day you are not. Which is the real you?

One day your spouse or your kids think you are great, the next day they don’t. Now, when they think you are great, do you think so, and if so, is it really true? When they think the opposite, does it upset you or seem to confirm a negative view of yourself?

Most of us go from one set of thoughts about ourselves to another from day to day, maybe even hour to hour, or even moment to moment. Our sense of self, our identity, seems to be a moving kaleidoscope of memory and images, and reactions to our successes and failures, and to how others seem to perceive and act towards us.

No wonder so many people are so confused about who they really are! No wonder many of us are continually stressed, trying to be someone different from who we think we are.

The big problem is not really that we have these identity thoughts. The problem is we don’t realize that they are just thoughts. We don’t realize the power our own mind has to fool us into believing a story that is just a story.

Realizing this makes all the difference.

This realization helps to remind us that when our mind is calm and our heart is peaceful, we see the world with perspective and we don’t need to think much about ourselves. In a calm mind, we tend to have all the insight and intelligence we need to respond to life moment to moment with ease, grace and goodness.

And, when the calm, peaceful state leaves us (as it will) we remember that thoughts are just thoughts and can fool us.

One Executive we worked with arrived burned out and completely exhausted. After sleeping through our program for two days (he needed it!), we were finally able to explain to him about how the mind works and how powerful our thoughts can be in fooling us or distorting our perceptions. He countered saying we didn’t understand his world and proceeded to tell us how busy he was, triple booked all day long going from meeting to meeting from 7 am to 7 pm every day solving engineering problems to keep the production process going smoothly. When we explored what happens in those 20+ meetings a day, he explained that the engineers would bring their problems, and he would help them solve them. If some didn’t get solved, he would take them home and work on them at night. He had been trained as a mechanical engineer and promoted up the ranks through management, first running several plants, and finally to the executive C-suite.

When we asked him “Is solving the engineer’s mechanical problems part of the job description of an EVP?” it hit him like a ton of bricks – he saw that he thought of himself as an engineer and not an executive.

A raft of insights quickly followed, and his life changed, including getting a lot more sleep and time with his lovely family! He cancelled all meetings that were not relevant to his role, and asked all his engineers to only come to him when they had three solutions to problems, so he could help them refine the best options. Getting out from under those old thoughts about himself, calmed him down and gave him a much wider perspective.

We don’t often realize how much our lives are driven by old ideas of who we are that no longer apply!

Yet, we can awake from our thoughts more easily than most realize. When we do, our mind settles.

The calmer we can be mentally (and hence emotionally), the less our identity thoughts seem to affect us, and we can be present and responsive with our own native wisdom and heart. We can then effectively and efficiently deal with whatever is needed in that moment.

Wishing you that realization!

Ken Manning