Agency or Complaining – A Choice

Agency or Complaining – A Choice

I had a coaching call last week with a client who complained mildly about a situation. He said something interesting, “I have no agency.” I wanted him to say more so I asked him how he was thinking about the situation, what outcome he wanted, what mattered, what he had done so far. He reflected and realized that he couldn’t answer my questions.

This is very common and it is very useful to understand what’s actually going on.

First, let me define what I mean by agency. Agency is the ability to act independently, to influence, to have a choice. To me, the prerequisites of agency are:

1. You have thought about the situation and know what you want or what matters to you.
2. You have conviction about it – you’re not vague.
3. You are doing or have done something about the situation.

When you know what matters to you, deciding what to do becomes more obvious, even if it is hard. And when you are in action/motion, things change. When you’re not, it can look like the outside world is the primary force in your life.

If you reflect on areas in your life where you feel you have agency, e.g., your health, your relationships and family, your exercise routine, or something else, you’ll notice these prerequisites are present. In their absence, you’d be vague or ambivalent. The outside world or other people would appear to interfere with your choices.

So here’s my point in this newsletter – you can cultivate the habit of agency.

Where you have it currently, it probably happened unconsciously. I’m suggesting you can increase your awareness and experience agency more often.

It’s not hard or complicated. Consciously developing agency is greatly helped by understanding two things about the mind:

• You are always connected to the deep intelligence behind life. This intelligence has the potential to bring you the thinking you need. When you remember this you will be able to reflect and wait (waiting is often key) for answers to your questions or potential solutions to your issues.
• You feel your thinking. When you remember this, your feelings become a guide or barometer pointing you toward the flow of wisdom and away from thoughts that derail you.

When you know what matters to you, having the conviction to act and then doing so, will become much easier. The alternative is believing the situation has the power.

If you find yourself complaining (on the inside or the outside), the issue might be lack of agency, not the situation.

Robin Charbit